Some people look for ways to disagree. They jump in to the conversation and respond to the speaker with, “Yes but…” Then they say something which often sidesteps the speaker’s point. One yes-but person said finding something to disagree with made her sound intelligent. Another said, yes-but was his way to join a conversation. When speakers are interrupted with yes-but, they often become defensive and repeat their point. This typically leads to an escalation of disagreeing and misunderstanding. Often a yes-but person can control a room full of people.

Years ago, I was attending in a seminar where we had a yes-but participant. Frequently, he would find something to disagree with and each time it happened the speakers would argue or become silent. By the time I had something to say, I was prepared. I began by framing what I had to say. “I’d like tell all of you about something that is very important to me. I promise to be brief. When I am finished, all I ask is that the first person to respond says one thing that they liked about what I have said.” Everyone burst out laughing. They knew what I was doing. Then I spoke briefly and to the point. Everyone was listening attentively. Then I paused. Everyone laughed again. The first person who responded said, “Leslie, one thing I like about what you just said is …“

Throughout the rest of the seminar, the yes-but participant refrained from disagreeing with anyone. I suspect that even he felt better off for the improved quality of the seminar and I suspect that not everyone knows how to be positive and helpful in a conversation.

At this seminar, framing what I had to say, before getting into the content, ensured my success. There are about 20 essential communication skills that can help everyone relate better with each other. These skills help you deal with bosses, co-workers, spouses, children and friends. What would you like to learn next in order to prevent conflict and get along better with others?