I once was attending a training seminar where participants were encouraged to speak openly about their ideas. At one of the meetings, two participants kept responding to others by saying what they disagreed with. Everyone seemed to tolerate the argumentative behaviour, perhaps fearing they would become the target if they objected.

At one point, I had something I wanted to say and I certainly did not want one of those two individuals to respond to me in their familiar way. So I began by framing what I had to say in order to achieve a positive end.

I began, “I have something I want to say that is very important to me. I promise to be very brief and when I am finished all I ask is that whoever responds first says one thing that they like about what I have said.” Everyone burst out laughing. They knew what I was doing. Then I spoke briefly, made my point and paused. Everyone laughed again. The first person that responded started with, “Leslie, one thing that I like about what you have just said is...” And I was satisfied.

Throughout the rest of the training the two participants refrained from responding to others by disagreeing. I never asked and they never told me what they had learned from that moment. I assume that everyone prefers to be positive and helpful. Especially under stress or when someone is trying to get some attention, he or she will sometimes use arguing or disagreeing to get involved in the conversation.

Some people are more competitive than others. They play the “I win, you lose” game. I, however, am committed to ‘win-win’, speaking and listening so that each person involved in the conversation feels better afterwards. One example of making a win-win statement includes, “If you do ... then I would be pleased to... “or “You are saying that you want ... and I would like... How can we make this happen?”

If you are curious about whether framing and win-win conversations will work for you, why not give them a try?

I would love to hear from you.

Leslie

www.leslieroseseminars.com