When we’re with others, we each have the right to remain silent.

As listeners, we may choose to remain silent because we have nothing to add or because we just prefer to be quiet. As well, we may remain silent to avoid interrupting a speaker.

But, when speakers interpret our silence as permission to keep talking, they tend to take longer to get to their point and they often lose our interest. When speakers interpret our silence as meaning we agree with what they are saying, they are often wrong. Frequently we are thinking about what we disagree with.

The concept of the sin of omission sheds light on the downside of being silent. The concept makes it clear that omitting to tell others when we disagree, or when we are confused, diminishes mutual understanding and respect. Some listeners are silent when speakers are slow to get to their point, when their values differ or when they are using silence to gain a competitive edge. These individuals are often silent or quick to argue. Simply put, most speakers need listeners who are willing to help them make their point and who are committed to finding common ground. And speakers also need listeners who are willing to understand the speakers’ views before being critical or questioning the validity of the speakers’ ideas.

Even when Barack Obama speaks, only those with similar values trust him and what he says. Others consistently listen to what Obama says but they draw very different conclusions.

With goodwill, listeners and speakers can overcome differences and find points in common ground and ways to work well together. Mediators are often needed to help individuals with different beliefs build rapport, reduce misunderstanding and decrease conflict.

To help speakers explain their ideas and make their point, effective listeners ask good questions. They also repeat back some of what they are hearing, to help speakers know that they are being understood. Effective listeners may ask, “Can you tell me more about…?” or, “Can you give me an example of how what you are saying fits with…?” They may repeat back what they are hearing using the words, “What I hear you saying is…”

When listeners are silent, speakers feel as if they are lost in a vacuum. When listeners are more actively involved, they make conversations more satisfying and more productive.

Yes, we do have the right to remain silent.
We also have the responsibility to contribute to the success of each conversation.
 
Leslie