I have been leading seminars and making conference presentations for over 25 years. When I was eight years old, I remember clearly being interested in teaching others how to communicate better. I decided that parents and teachers just did not know how to listen to kids and someone should tell them how.Thirteen years later, my Masters degree program included a valuable course on effective listening. It was based on the ideas popularized by well-known American psychologist Dr. Carl Rogers. Rogers emphasized the importance of empathizing with the people who were speaking to you. To feel empathy for their thoughts and feelings, Rogers suggested repeating back some of what they were saying. Repeating back, he said, would help speakers hear what their own words sounded like and then clarify what they were thinking and state their point.
The Value of Effective Communication
Have you ever noticed how often listening effectively shortens conversations, reduces conflict and increases cooperation? Then, when a person has made his or her point and feels understood, he will pause. When he feels understood, his trust for the listener increases and he becomes willing to listen, even to ideas that are different than his own.
Not all conversations need repeating back. But when someone is talking about something very important to him, repeating back helps him think through his ideas and confirm his beliefs. If you interrupt and disagree with him, rather than repeat back what you are hearing, then he will likely interrupt you and keep repeating his ideas until he gets a supportive response. When you are listening effectively, you may also choose to paraphrase what you are hearing and sometimes ask questions as you help the speaker clarify his thoughts, feelings and point.
In any organization, skilled managers and skilled co-workers, support others by listening well. When others feel supported, they will take more initiative and more responsibility. Some individuals listen well without being taught the concepts and the skills. Others benefit dramatically from seminars on Effective Communication, Exceptional Customer Service and Assertiveness.
The same listening skills that are helpful at work are equally helpful at home with spouses and children. Chaim Ginott wrote two books for parents on how to listen well with their children, Between Parent and Child, and Between Parent and Teen. Both books are filled with examples of how to respond well in many different familiar situations. Parents who met regularly with Dr. Ginott wrote a book Effective Parents Effective Children, celebrating the improvements in family relations once parents began to listen more, and argue less,
with their children.
Effective listening, and effective speaking are simple concepts that take a lifetime to master. When others are slow to get to their point or are blaming you, the temptation is to withdraw or to argue. When we argue, we often present our facts and opinions and dismiss the facts and opinions of others. Even when we are more or less correct, if the listener is not listening or if he is disagreeing, the conversation will be unproductive until someone is listening supportively while the other is talking.
This blog is intended to offer insights into how to communicate more effectively. The blog will include insights about assertiveness, dealing with stressed individuals and on humour.
I would be pleased to hear from you.
Leslie
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