Looking ahead: Imagine living your life feeling happy and energized and loving what you do. You have become more sensitive to the needs of others while taking care of your own. You are productive without feeling rushed or imposed on by others. You are living with a strong sense of justice and you are willing to get involved to improve a situation. You are making lifestyle choices that help you to reach your potential and you aren’t overwhelmed by obstacles along the way.

In the 1960s, psychologist, Dr. Abraham Maslow was interviewing happy and productive people. He called them self-actualizing individuals. Maslow, and Dr. Everett Shostrom, discovered that the two central qualities shared by these self-actualizing individuals were they were inner-directed and time competent ; These individuals, coming from every walk of life, trusted their intuition and they accomplished a lot by using time well.

Maslow outlined the stages of becoming self-actualized. He included early childhood when children were focused on personal safety and stability. Later in life, he said, those who had become more self-actualized, were interested in truth and beauty and living in ways that were in harmony with their needs and talents. Self-actualizing individuals, he found, were authentic, spontaneous, consistently making good choices, loving and able to overcome fears.

For my Master’s thesis, I was interested in how emotional involvement in learning experiences accelerates self-actualization. Throughout my career, I have continued my interest by teaching personal skills in enjoyable and interactive seminars. My seminars teach self-awareness, positive thinking, empathy, humour and effective communicating.  Many seminar participants, who have talked with me after they had attended one of my seminars, tell me that they have become more assertive, more self-accepting and more satisfied in their lives.

Often at humanistic psychology conferences, I have been inspired by personally evolved, self-actualizing individuals. They typically are generous and giving freely about what they have learned about making life more fulfilling. Consistently, these individuals are happy, articulate and making a positive difference in the world through their actions. By attending their talks, I realized, that regardless of their topic, I was very moved just being in the presence of individuals who seemed caring and wise.

There are many pathways to self-actualization and there are many scary moments in life that can stall our progress. When we are afraid, it is hard to trust that we will find an assertive and lovable self when we search inside. When we are afraid, it is harder to trust others and it is often easier to put on an aggressive, timid or detached mask when dealing with others.

Developing our personal skills can help each of us to handle fear and hardship. By learning communication skills, we can become more confident and effective with others. By learning focused relaxation, we can quiet distracting thoughts and feelings and become more centered and energetic. By learning to add more humour to our conversations, we can become happier and more insightful.

One person who has become a teacher and a role model, through many years of study and meditation, is a former Harvard psychology professor Dr. Richard Alpert. Using his adopted name Ram Dass, he writes in his book Journey of Awakening,

“I no longer feel that one part of me is fighting another… More of the time, the moment is permeated with space, peace, equanimity, joy and lightness.”

If life is about facing challenges and learning lessons, what improved skills do you need and how will you keep getting wiser and more fulfilled?